Gunther Style Reviews
Written by: GuntherBayBeee (Wall)
It's January, everyone! Grab your boyfriends, girlfriends, or body pillows, take them out to a nice dinner at Burger King, and spend the rest of the evening watching Sonic For Hire and hoping your relationship doesn't fall apart over a bloody Koopa Shell! Me, I'll be doing none of those things because I'm a hopeless shut-in who is married to my music and video games, so I've been spending all my time playing Gravity Rush and Lollipop Chainsaw in preparation for the announcement of Nintendo's confirmation of a next-gen console being released in 20XX that'll hopefully be happening this year because if they delay it once more I think that would split my heart in two... which admittedly, wouldn't be too unfitting for this month.
So, first up is Gravity Rush, the narcissistically titled debut release from Team Gravity, which fits most loosely into the realm of "action-adventure", but in all honesty, it's a lot of things. The plot follows a young woman who is aided by an alien-like feline. The two take a stroll through the old town of Auldnoir in the floating city of Hekseville, only to find Eugie ends up being blown away when a gravity storm hits. The cat hand-delivers Kat some gravity superpowers, turning her into a superhero, and after rescuing him, Mayor Bosley labeled the storm's shitty monsters the Nevi, and Kat named the moggy "Dusty", but he dislikes the name, leading her giving chase. Gameplay then becomes an even split between beating enemies and leveling up with a number of Precious Gems, in what I call the beat 'em up method of executing Donald Trump.
The actions form the primary focus of Gravity Rush, but are structured around parkour and platforming as you traverse Hekseville to murder away the Nevi. While this sounds like it might get old but the game's very engaging design actually do a lot to keep the game intriguing, aided by how beautiful the environments tend to be give how shit-brown the majority of the city is, and once you murder away, the parkour then takes on a really nice flow to it.
Beat 'em up is kind of where things get a little muddier, since it follows the same pattern as The Simpsons where you simply spam a single button to punch and kick city-goers until they're defeated, although your movements in Gravity Rush are far more awkward and stunted than Homer's more dextrous athleticism. It can make fighting off the hordes of Nevi at best, an absolute goddamn boss at worst, not helped by the guide mechanic carrying over into beat 'em up scenarios wherein your mute girlfriend will just kind of stand around and let every boy in the club try to take her back to their place. While Gravity Rush is a lot better than most guiding games in that you're actually provided a fairly large window of opportunity to save citizens before you get a game over, but it can get more than a little tiresome having to literally follow the light from the flowers.
You may wondering, then, what about this game makes it stand out so much aside from it being a Rare and Mario RPG fan's favorite game... well see, the real hook of the game comes in the interaction between the lead character, as her rivalry is told through in-game actions and gestures over dialogue, creating a genuine battle with a hot chick named Raven and her alien-like crow named Xii that almost reminds me of a more talkative version of King Dedede and Bandana Waddle Dee trying to destroy Kirby in the Revenge of the King level The Revenge in Kirby Super Star Ultra until the end of that main game. The ending chapters in particular do a lot to hit the player with an emotional storm without ever being bombastic or overbearing, which is a level of maturity that most games just don't approach when dealing with matters of revenge in video games, and for that reason, I find Gravity Rush a truly marvellous exercise in games as a medium for storytelling and exploring more meaningful subjects than how many people with whore accents you can you can swing a vacuum cleaner at. But still, Gravity Rush is likely only going to be enjoyable to you if you lean towards the arty farty side of things, and may prove infuriating to the more impatient gamer. These will generally be the same people screaming into their mics on Team Fortress and making a mess of the doctor's waiting room because they can't sit still for five fucking minutes.
But now we move on to a game that has secured its place in my heart as my all-time favorite game for its sheer scale and unique action-packed gameplay, Lollipop Chainsaw, a game that begins to be the undefeated champion of zombie-slaying simulators to this day... if not just because no one else has attempted to murder it. The story goes that the player character's boyfriend was bit by a zombie for some nondescript reason, so she's beheaded him which she learns he's still alive, and the chainsaw you wield can be employed as a makeshift sword for all the zombies. So your character makes a deal with gross stupid undead douchebags to get his body back in exchange for slaughtering five Dark Purveyors, one representing a different genre of music, which feels like a raw deal in any normal person's book. Maybe this man owes her $20 she really needs for petrol or something, I don't know.
So thus, the premise of the game is set up, with the primary goal being the only goal in the entire game. While the stages in Lollipop Chainsaw are absolutely bloody awesome, there's very little actually in it aside from some landmarks and buildings with chickens running around them, with your only threat in these entire stages being the five Dark Purveyors... and having to use lollipops to restore health, if you're that hurt with the controller. Usually, I'd take issue with an awesome and daring adventure, but in the context of Lollipop Chainsaw, it serves to create a sense of overwhelming scale that really makes these stages feel unwelcoming to an insolent, insignificant little human such as you, which is only aided by the impressive boss fights.
Oh yes, no game to this day has managed to replicate the sheer levels of adrenaline and excitement that the Dark Purveyor fights in this game have inflicted upon me, and even after multiple playthroughs, I still come out of each fight feeling like a real badass motherfucker for having taken down a zombie Lief Erikson. Dark Purveyor fights are trickier than special zombie fights, requiring you to hit a Dark Purveyor more times than a special zombie. Not what you'd call a good display of natural selection, I don't think. From there, it then becomes a task of attacking the bugger to lacerate their sore spots within the time limit, running for revenge as they desperately try to deal with you, balancing between getting close to the Dark Purveyor within the time limit to get a good whack at their open wounds. Everything ties into each other supremely well and offers a great sense of personal accomplishment both mentally and viscerally when you finally manage to swing at each Dark Purveyor, especially the ones that require you to attack within the time limit with your chainsaw in order to even hope to outrun the bastards.
The juxtaposition between the hack and slash environments and the rattling, chaotic boss fights serves to settle the player down and avoid sensory overload, which is always important to make sure your game doesn't become an exhausting ride without any contrast to frame or define the action. Everything about this game is designed with the intent of making you feel big and important, like a donkey in the jungle who's been beat in the context of you being a jungle villager of a demonic higher force. The Dark Purveyors each represent different genres of music, and their bodies and armour are so covered in dead skin that they genuinely feel like beings that overrun a haunted winery before you decided to be a dick and murder them.
To summarise as succinctly as possible! Gravity Rush is a beautifully atmospheric and badass little beat 'em up game that explores character dynamics and gravity in a far more compelling, mature way than most games have even to this day, but may prove a bit too artsy and slow-paced for the more thrill-seeking gamer; while Lollipop Chainsaw is a hectic, balls-to-the-walls fun hack and slash thing whose primary flaw is that you'll run out of time before killing a Dark Purveyor and repeat the round over again, which is liable to turn you Dark Purveyor against your poor controller.
Pokédex Power
Written by: GuntherBayBeee (Wall)
It's a Dark Pokemon, and it is known for taking a bite out of nonsense wherever it goes.
Mega Houndoom is willing to get his job done by any means possible, even if it means ultimate embarrassment.
Hello everyone, it's me, GuntherBayBeee again with the first edition of Pokédex Power, the section written by the person who could possibly do with Pokémon Sleep. I don't feel like my sleeping patterns are particularly great and there are times when I'm just ridiculously tired, but not on a scale where sleeping would be beneficial. So, if Pokémon could get me to sleep better then I am entirely onboard.
But in-game I hate the sleep condition. I can deal with when my Pokémon is paralyzed, but as soon as sleep comes out that's when things begin to start to get annoying. Much like any other thing with the random number generator it always seems to favor the AI opponent with your Pokémon sleeping forever and theirs waking up almost immediately. Or, failing that their move with shaky accuracy hits with almost pinpoint accuracy whereas yours might as well be flailing around praying for the best.
This month's edition has nothing to do with the sleep condition as far as I'm aware, as Houndoom can wake up quickly, thanks to Early Bird, but it can use Flash Fire and the Hidden Ability Unnerve, too.
I played Crystal and I'm trying to get access to Kanto so I can catch Houndour so I can evolve it into Houndoom. But with me waiting for it, it doesn't mean it has bad Pokédex entries, so let's find out what they're like.
Generation II
| Pokémon Gold | If you are burned by the flames it shoots from its mouth, the pain will never go away. |
| Pokémon Silver | Upon hearing its eerie howls, other Pokémon get the shivers and head straight back to their nests. |
| Pokémon Crystal | The pungent-smelling flame that shoots from its mouth results from toxins burning in its body. |
| Pokémon Stadium 2 | If you are burned by the flames it shoots from its mouth, the pain will never go away. |
Generation II is actually a wonderful way of introducing Houndoom, there are so many entries and great facts around. Showing how this Pokémon is an adult (in a sort of way) I like how it can't necessarily walk properly, which is badass. Of course, the pungent-smelling flames it breathes when mad are mixed with poison. If they cause a burn, it's gonna hurt! That's good to know how dangerous it can be to an untrained Trainer. Crystal is redeemed to introducing us to the best fact we've gotten in the history of this section as it encourages you not to get burned by the flames it shoots from its mouth. Plus, if you're burned by those, you'll end up feeling permanently itchy. It's good to know that Houndoom knows to defend itself in a situation, but that last fact is so blindingly obvious it's redundant to have it there. Most things don't like the dark due to not being able to see, the fact could've been salvaged if there was something interesting, but alas there was not.
Generation III
| Pokémon Ruby | In a Houndoom pack, the one with its horns raked sharply towards the back serves a leadership role. These Pokémon choose their leader by fighting amongst themselves. |
| Pokémon Sapphire | In a Houndoom pack, the one with its horns raked sharply towards the back serves a leadership role. These Pokémon choose their leader by fighting amongst themselves. |
| Pokémon Emerald | In a Houndoom pack, the one with its horns raked sharply back serves a leadership role. They choose their leader by fighting among themselves. |
| Pokémon FireRed | Upon hearing its eerie howls, other Pokémon get the shivers and head straight back to their nests. |
| Pokémon LeafGreen | If you are burned by the flames it shoots from its mouth, the pain will never go away. |
Ruby and Sapphire, as well as Emerald, are the only Generation III games to introduce new entries of Houndoom.
Generation IV
| Pokémon Diamond | Long ago, people imagined its eerie howls to be the call of the grim reaper. |
| Pokémon Pearl | Long ago, people imagined its eerie howls to be the call of the grim reaper. |
| Pokémon Platinum | The flames it breathes when angry contain toxins. If they cause a burn, it will hurt forever. |
| Pokémon HeartGold | If you are burned by the flames it shoots from its mouth, the pain will never go away. |
| Pokémon SoulSilver | Upon hearing its eerie howls, other Pokémon get the shivers and head straight back to their nests. |
Diamond and Pearl, as well as Platinum, are the only Generation IV games to introduce new entries of Houndoom.
Generation V
| Pokémon Black | The flames it breathes when angry contain toxins. If they cause a burn, it will hurt forever. |
| Pokémon White | The flames it breathes when angry contain toxins. If they cause a burn, it will hurt forever. |
| Pokémon Black 2 | The flames it breathes when angry contain toxins. If they cause a burn, it will hurt forever. |
| Pokémon White 2 | The flames it breathes when angry contain toxins. If they cause a burn, it will hurt forever. |
Generation V doesn't really introduce new entries, although it does mention that the strong-smelling flames that shoots from its mouth has toxins burn in its body, so at least I have some reference points to how well a Houndoom is for danger.
Generation VI
| Pokémon X | Long ago, people imagined its eerie howls to be the call of the grim reaper. |
| Pokémon Y | The flames it breathes when angry contain toxins. If they cause a burn, it will hurt forever. |
| Pokémon Omega Ruby | In a Houndoom pack, the one with its horns raked sharply toward the back serves a leadership role. These Pokémon choose their leader by fighting among themselves. |
| Pokémon Alpha Sapphire | In a Houndoom pack, the one with its horns raked sharply toward the back serves a leadership role. These Pokémon choose their leader by fighting among themselves. |
As you will have heard me said in previous reviews in this section, I love it when Houndoom succeeds in taking a bite out of nonsense. However, not even Generation VI introduced new entries.
Generation VII
| Pokémon Ultra Sun | They spew flames mixed with poison to finish off their opponents. They divvy up their prey evenly among the members of their pack. |
| Pokémon Ultra Moon | Identifiable by its eerie howls, people a long time ago thought it was the grim reaper and feared it. |
Mega Houndoom
| Pokémon Ultra Sun | Its red claws and the tips of its tail are melting from high internal temperatures that are painful to Houndoom itself. |
| Pokémon Ultra Moon | Houndoom's entire body generates heat when it Mega Evolves. Its fearsome fiery breath turns its opponents to ash. |
Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon are the only Generation VII games introduced new entries, and they are the only ones that Houndoom has Pokédex entries in. Let's Go, Pikachu! and Let's Go, Eevee! should have used Houndoom's entries recycled from Crystal. However, something tells me that the flames Mega Houndoom breathes when angry are quite hazardous. If they cause a burn... you'll probably die.
Generation VIII
| Pokémon Brilliant Diamond | Long ago, people imagined its eerie howls to be the call of the grim reaper. |
| Pokémon Shining Pearl | Long ago, people imagined its eerie howls to be the call of the grim reaper. |
I decided to do something a little different and write this part of the section as my third Pokédex review. It's so sad that Generation VIII didn't do something different, but if the sequels to Let's Go, Pikachu! and Let's Go, Eevee! would have been released, then Houndoom would have had the same entries as in Crystal.
Conclusion
Admittedly, Houndoom's entries are good from Generations II, III, IV, and VII as the other generations just copy off of it. But on that note, I do like facts about trying not to get itchy, so I've been painted into a corner here. Okay, not entirely as the entries from Generation II are some of the best I've read while doing this section, with only Crystal being a weak link, and that's only because the dark fact is so mind-numbingly obvious. It might be nice to see how it succeeds in taking a bite out of nonsense.
Movie Reviews
Written by: GuntherBayBeee (Wall)
Birds of Prey
Ah, Birds of Prey, the film we've been waiting to see since 2019, surely something that's known as DC's take on Deadpool. My short answer is yes, my long answer is what you're about to read.
Now, let's be honest, the main thing about Birds of Prey that will be dragging people in is its comedy aspect. And not only does it succeed in this aspect, it manages to do so without using racist slurs or fart jokes, yes of course, it includes dick and sex jokes, but the comedy doesn't just rely on those ones, it has genuine one liners that easily make you laugh out loud line. In the theatre where I watched it, even the elderly people who'd gone to seen it were having a good time. The comedy begins even before the film truly starts, with the opening scene being a still in time, and instead of live action scenes it's more humourous animated moments: an exchange for beer, a shitty nun, and a breakup with the Joker. The constant breaking of the fourth wall is also a welcome comedic device and is probably the creator of many of the funniest parts of the film.
The superhero aspect of the film is sort of where it falls a bit flat, but that's okay. This isn't meant to be a superhero film in the style of Man of Steel, starring Superman, and whilst it's certainly no high-brow satirical take on the genre it certainly spins it in its own unique way. The superheroes used in the film though, aren't the massive headline stars, though. The only one I recognized was Harley Quinn, and I'm fairly certain you're scraping the barrel when you're using Black Canary and Huntress (and no, I am not making up this name) as some of your main characters. But if you're going to go see it as a superhero film, you are kind of missing the point of it.
Like most films these days, there is also a romance within the film. And despite it being prostitute and client fall for each other, it doesn't feel forced and Robbie and Basco share a very nice chemistry together, even if the majority of their screen-time together is in a sex montage. And whilst Basco's character is kidnapped by Black Mask (the main villain), due to her actions in the final fight and Harley Quinn's own reasons for pursuing Black Mask it doesn't feel like she has only been kidnapped for plot purposes.
All in all, Birds of Prey is well worth the money. It is a near-constant barrage of jokes and has enough action in it to make sure nothing boring happens. However, if you're looking for a film that sensitively covers Harley Quinn's disfigurement or terminal cancer, then you're looking down the wrong alley. If you're looking for a film that covers her omnisexuality in a mature way, then you best hope that boner jokes are mature enough for you. If you're looking for a film to make you laugh and have an enjoyable time, then I point in the direction of this film's screen.